Or were all the other days just pretending to be happy?
I am confused at this moment because I no longer know which feelings are real, and which are make believe. Usually when someone is having such a bad moment as I am now, people often console with the phrase "you're just having a bad day"...accompanied with advice to wait until one is calm before making any rash life-changing decisions. But really, does anyone every make life altering decisions by premeditating them to death? What if someone who is as lazy as myself just gives up after a few hours, and falls back so easily into the comforts of habit and routine. I have put all my RSSPs in the safest, lowest-risk money markets on which I gain about 0.0000001% interest a year. BUT IT'S SAFE. I say.
What if it's time to throw all caution to the wind and act on impulse? Scary? Hell yes, but so what. Maybe it's time to quit this addiction to safety. Maybe it's time for a change so great in the universe, that I will no longer recognize my life...but ultimately better recognize my true self. The true self that does not change despite all other metaphysical variables.
I feel like a kid who wants to jump in the cold pool. I've dipped my toe before. I quickly removed it but then realized nothing has ever made me feel more alive. What if my entire body were to feel that? I am so close to jumping.
But I'll probably run back to Mommy holding the big fuzzy towel.
